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March 06 Midterms No More!Just finished all my midterms today. Din really put in much effort. Final CNY celebrations on Fri, went out on Sat n was slacking afterwhich. Even my sis said I ought to fail. Meanie! Come on BEBE, u shld have more faith in me! haha. Well, just cant really be bothered cos I jus had 1 midterm last wk and the one today was only 15% instead of the usual 30%. Ya, and like my principal used to say, "TK girls are complacent." lol. However, I felt guilty aft tt becos one of my classmates commented tt it was the last midterm. Felt abit nolstalgic abt it. Tot I shld have put in more effort for my LAST midterm in NUS. Yes, I hate them n was whining like a child to Fidelia when I was muggin in hall but still...I'm not gg to have any more midterms anymore. Tt's it. Suddenly feel nolstalgic abt leaving NUS. Not tt I have super strong sense of belonging or wad. Hmm..it's jus sad..departure is always sad rite? Moving on is nv really easy either.
After today, my life shld jus revolves ard FYP. ya, smt tt shld have started eons ago but was procrastinated thanks to my slacker's attitude. Jus wish tt my imaginative mind can focus n come up with all the possible explanations for my incoherent FYP data instead of someone's incoherent account of his past. Well, guess we cant control all these cognitive processes, tt's y we have quarrels, psycho probs n all. Data analysis, data analysis n MORE data analysis. "Misery is all I feel..." haha this lyrics is echoing in my mind now.
I only have 4/5 more weeks left!! ARGH! I'm running out of time. Was counting down tt day, realised I have only 2 mths left in NUS. Last exam paper on 2nd May. Hmm.. mixed feelings. A part of me is rejoicing! WooHoo, YEP Europe grad trip here I come! My supposedly bright future/career and $$! Another part of me goes...Haiz, I'm a student no more. boo. No more screw ups. No more 'babysitters' to check on me, clearing up my mess. No more student's privileges!! =(
Received a warning tt some sick pervert tried to break in to my neighbour's room. GROSS. Trying to be funny right. I'm sooo gg to whack the fellow up if i ever see him. I mean TRY my best to whack (hopefully I dun get whacked instead). jus grap smt and attack him. Freaking despo, wanna get fresh w gers issit? Go geylang, if u r too poor den go n find sluts la. Piss me off, esp when my neighbour is such a nice, prim and proper ger. Dunno any slut issit? I'll personally refer you to some I noe. Not tt I noe of personally but I heard of. My gd fren has a lot of such contacts. Yes, of gers throwing themselves at him. 3 in a sem. cool eh? WTH, I sound different. Sorry, guess the spurt of anger overwhelmed me. Not to mention my strong sense of justice, esp for my frens. Ha, was talking to a gd old fren from my internship, haha, he said i've changed. Told him, ya, think i'm jaded.
This is bad. Hopefully it's just a transition. Maybe a new phase of my life will bring about a more optimistic outlook. I need a fresh new hot-blooded source of motivation! Just waiting for tt day to come by. Ha, my fren once said tt the predictable thing abt me is tt i'm unpredictable. Ya, so who knows mayb tmr i'll wake up at the right side of the bed feeling much better! Yay! For now, I hope I can make my last dash in my final months in NUS. Be the best tt I can be. Let it be a grand finale of my education career! =)
P.S. Peeps, feel free to leave ur mark in my undergrad days in NUS! Not all unforgettable memories are desired. HAPPY ones plss. -) February 10 Why are ang mohs betterSchool has started for 5-6weeks. still as sucky as ever. Yr4 is BORING. SIAN. Cant help put feel that the more you want to have smt or make smt happens, things will go the exact opposite way. Just like how you go all out to shop for smt u have in mind but end up not buying anything cos nothing caught ur fancy. However when u plan to window shop or accompany ur frens to shop, there bound to b smt tt appeal to you somewhat. Well, wat can I say? 'Life is always not sugary sweet for my case'. HA. Well, at least the bitch got what she wanted. Ha, Life's a bitch.
k, back to the subject. Why are ang mohs better? Becos not only are they more confident, humourous, most importantly-they are gentlemen. Repeatabable. Tested and proven. Within 1 month, 2 ang mohs graciously made way for me to board the bus/mrt while 2 Asian men (think 1 singaporean, 1 PRC) happily squeeze/cut queue to board/alight frm the shuttle bus in sch. In 1 instance, I specially stood up before the stop when the guy seated on the inner seat stood up, to indicate tt I was alighting too so he dun have to squeeze thru me. He got the hint and sank back into his seat. BUT once the bus reached the stop and I was waiting for the standing passengers to alight and clear the way, he squeezed past me to alight. I was so pissed. Wanted to just scream at him there and den. Trying to be more reserved, I jus GLARED at him. WTH. This is a stark contrast to the experience I had w this ang moh. I was running across the platform at cityhall mrt interchange and this caucasian who was halfway boarding the mrt (and the 'door closing' alarm was beeping) graciously retracted his steps back to the platform and was holding out his hands (as if directing me into the train) to let me enter the packed mrt. I was so worried tt he could not squeeze back into the mrt and would be parted w his fren who was already onboard. Thank god, he made it into the train just in time. Barely. Not tt i'm a SPG or I think I'm oh-so-perfect w rocket high expectations on guys. But seriously, I really think the local guys need more grooming. Or mayb it's jus my personal experience so far. I dunno. Ha, an old fren said I tend to attract ah bengs. mayb tt explains y as well.
Another perk abt marrying ang mohs is at least u'll get a super duper out-of-the-world cutie lil baby! Haha, jus talked to Keng on msn recently, she showed me Max's pics. Oh boy, how much has he grown in just 4 months! He's looking more caucasian, so different from his chinese look when I saw him as a newborn. Haha, if I ever marry an ang moh and he gets tempted n commit adultery which is pretty high chance (like most guys nowadays becos of their so called hot-blooded raging hormones-aka rubbish to me), at least I can console myself tt I have a cute baby right? smt gd out of the union. Haha, pardon me for being so skeptical. Bad childhood, bad experience. Tsk. Yay, cny's coming! This yr will be a better yr! Haha, at least tt's what the fortune teller in hk told me last june. Dun really believe it, but a self-fulfilling prophecy is good enough for me too! Just wanna feel a lil better! =) January 19 Getting sick of life recently. Serious lack of motivation and vision. Not to mention that my mind is bothered by questions that dun seem to have any answers. All the 'so what' questions. See no point or meaning in anything. God, just feel like gg home (heaven). Does not help a single bit that the person I'm debating with about a particular topic is freaking aggressive and persistent in his opposition and it irritates the hell out of me. Cant help but feel that he's biased becos of his own personal experience. So pissed. Told my prof today that I need to have a BF(Bitch Fit) so that I can FB(Feel Better). On the contrary, BF (Boy Friend) can make you FB (Feel Bad) instead. He agreed told me about how he overheard a bf saying all the wrong things and making his gf feel more irritated and worse than before she starts complaining or pouring out to her bf. Ha, what's new. Back to the mind-boggling questions,dun even noe y I even waste time pondering over them. Or debating with someone who only makes me more mad. Watched 'One last dance' recently. The questions are similar to the question Francis Ng asked, "Who's the real killer? The one who hired the assasin or the assasin who pulled the trigger?" Just finished watching another show that implanted some thoughts in me. It's called "Mo Gong" in chinese, talking about some defence strategy by this peace loving Mozi. The plot is set in ancient China before the 7 nations unite. WTH. The female lead is very initiavtive. Practically offering herself to Mozi, about to strip. Din noe that females were so liberated since back then. Thought they were supposed to be prim and proper, coy and shy. WTH. I'm seriously lagging behind times. I need some brainwashing. FLINGS ARE COMMON. DUN KICK UP A BIG FUSS ABT IT. No wonder sombody was so irritated and 'ha-nah ha-nah' me when I praised that a true man like Mozi rejected the ger when she offered herself. BUT WTH, in the end he still fall for her. Well, at least he din heck and just make out w her when she offered herself right. He grew to like her FIRST. What is the world coming to? Issit really slut rules and guy drools? Issit that as long as a gal takes initiative, she'll sure get what she wants? (Like how my friend's excellent record or 'roll of honour' has reflected.) Think i'm becoming cynical with each passing day. Maybe it's becos of my personal experience. Or maybe it's becos of what I heard. Feel like I'm being moulded and etched to be a tougher person. More resilient to the ugly sides of life. Betrayal, Deception, Hypocrisy, Lies, Condemnation..and the list goes on. Sucking away my emotions, naiveness and positive thinking such as 'kindness begets kindness'. Feel so dumb to actually believe in the saying when things go the exact opposite direction. The feeling of ur actions out of gd intention getting backfired sucks. Esp, when the person accused you instead of a thank you. Recent happenings also made me recall my secondary sch literature. Yes, that's eons ago, back in sec 1 or 2. Remember reciting this line from Shakesphere 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.' It's supposed to be a no-script play, with us having the liberty to choose the roles we wanna assume in our life/play. Sadly, not every play makes it to the top box office. The idea of popularity and being well-liked is too enticing. People become self-conscious as they grow up. Oh ya, forgot the element of being cool, hip and happening. I really wonder how real is the pple I meet nowadays. How sincere are all the 'Hi-Bye's? Just realise that a friend's friend whom i thought was pretty ok and friendly to me actually has phobia of me (or my tots or wad) cos of smt I said. Thank you. Thru what you said or quoted in the recent quarrel, I pick up a few pointers that was never taught throughout my 20 odd years of education. Lesson 1: I shld really watch my mouth and dun be so upfront and expressive over my thoughts,esp if it's not smt nice. Yaya, keep everything to myself so that I can bring it w me to my grave and come back as a haunting. haha. Ok, look on the bright side, being politically correct and not saying the wrong stuff may groom me to be an excellent politician.=) Lesson 2: Never ever trust anyone, esp if it's a guy.even more applicable if the guy is the one who is the closest to you. The one whom you think is the most dependable may jolly well be the first to turn his back on you. Let me quote you an example. The very mouth that kissed the girl is the very mouth that called her a whore. (of cos not in front of her but to his frens). Thank god that I'm not the girl in the picture. BUT, i shld keep praying for myself cos who knows if this will happen to me too. *Fingers crossed* Lesson 3: Learn the art of acting and keep smiling. Life's like a masquarade. Everyone is wearing a mask. The one without a mask is the most vulnerable. Thank you for all the times you made me cry,mocked at me, doubted me, walked out on me when I revealed myself. I'm learning the rules of this game. Sadly, the hard way but i guess it's also the most effective way. May I dedicate the most impressive show of my life to you? =) P.S. Maybe another gd lesson wld be more initiative eh? Since it has been the case centuries ago judging frm 'Mo gong' or even the movie 'Curse of the golden flower', which contradicts and cast serious doubts on the supposed tradition that girls shld be reserved. Think we got the tradition wrong since I heard story of a well-brought up lady two-timing and she was pretty initiative too. yea.. January 06 Spent my sat rotting away. what a bummer. I shld seriously be working on my presentation on 19th Jan, especially when i'm working w the young, dynamic, new age prof who's a pressure cooker. Ha, but I really cant bring myself to work on a weekend. I still have 1 weekend to feel even more stress. So, I think i can relax abit now. True blue procrastinator! Starting to hate myself..what a 'motivational' way to start a new sem which happens to be my last sem and I so desperately need a second upper. It's a do-or-die thing. so someone pls kill me now.
Woke up a few times in the morn but i always manage to convince my eyes n body to rest awhile longer. to fully utilise my queen size bed. esp when i'm gg to stay in hall coming this mon. PIGGYY!! Finally managed to drag myself out of bed at 1:16pm! Cos my mum was nagging at me to wake up to have my lunchie. Despite experiencing an emotional rough patch first thing i woke up, today was generally a good day! =)
I love my mummy to bits. She cooked my favourite macoroni soup w lotsa chilli. yummy! She had also helped me washed the bedsheets and blanket, packed them together with tissue, clothes and stuff she thinks I'll need in hall. Appreciate tt. Makes me feel guilty tt's y i started packing after lunch. Quite fun to be packing with the radio playing my fav songs and my sis crapping in the room, minus the maths questions she asked. Had an early dinner cos my sis was hungry. Dozed off after that, hmm, now i noe y i'm still wide awake now!
Only went out for supper today. Ha, but the joy and laughter over supper was more than enough for a day's dosage! Grace never fails to crack me up man! So funny, esp when i tease her but feel abit bad when she said, 'Ceci, can u stop suaning me!' Thanks gracie for the lift tho I kept suaning you. Sorry that I dunno how to give a better or more detailed directions for you! lol! meeting gracie, mummy and leaf makes me miss unsw days. I dunno why we never get sick of reminiscing the old days. yea, and laughing at the same old thing. over and over again. After hearing ah leaf's spontaneous overseas adventure, I feel like backpacking soo much!! Or just to get out of Singapore. Maybe I can plan a weekend getaway after my presentation. =) Hopefully we can make good of our promise to go Aussie again this Dec. Looking fwd to more fun with u guys again! Yea, gg minds cafe this fri!
Came back at 1 plus but it felt as if the day has just started. So energetic after all the lauffing. Started watching soccer and my sis came down to join me. Decided to paint my nails and had some good time with my sis. Criticizing each other ugly nails and stuff. kept lauffing when she was helping me paint my pinky and i got scolded by BEBE.*pouts* ha. Girly fun, how much I miss it! Like back in sec sch.
Up next was bird's nest w soccer. i'm in heaven. haha.. Tonight's match was quite exciting with a final score of 3-1. arsernal vs liverpool. 2 goals by Rosicky within 10 minutes in first half, 1 goal by kuyt in 71st minute and a closure goal by captain henry. Henry's goal is super kayu, or mayb the goalkeeper sux. Unlike Rosicky's nice header. =)
Nice weekend break before my last sem commence. January 02 Last blog of 20062006 is coming to an end in less than 24 hours. Reflections of the past year is currently flooding my mind. 2006 has certainly been a memorable year marked with significant milestones of my life. Many unforgettable first times. Before ur mind starts to stray, i'm talking abt innocent first time. Like being in a quarrelsome past relationship, being close to his family, being close to my ML class and even went my prof's hse, frequent-ing NTU for my FYP, first time in Union camp & HM, first batch of graduated close frens, and the list goes on.. I think it's the year that I cried the most too. Be it for happy or sad cause.
This Dec holidays has been very short. Dunno if it's because the exams ended late, I went for church camp in KL or the FYP. Before I know it, school is re-opening and I've yet to meet up w many frens! Jieting, Lijie, Kianping, Jessica, Songjie and many many more beloved peeps.. =(
Dun worry, we can still meet up when sch starts cos I'm pretty slack for my last sem. lol. Went for HM6 last mon-thurs with campus ministry. It was a spiritually high event. Every service never fails to convey a message that touch my heart. Think I tear for practically every service. Had a more intimate walk with God. Never felt so
peaceful for a long while. I thank HIM for all the blessings in my life. Thank HIM for the anointed caregrp who are so nice and understanding, for the much needed fellowship in my life. =)
Last weekend was pretty busy celebrating Jesus's bday!! Attended the most x'mas parties in my life. Supposed to have 4 but 1 was cancelled so down to 3. Love all my x'mas pressies!!! Pretty lucky to have picked all the nice pressies in the 'lucky draw' style of pressie exchange. Got a sexy nightgown from Jovan, precious moments candy pack from zee, x'mas cards from peeps in my cg and cher, an intricate cross, gift from bodyshop, a magic egg. Received a nice handmade photo album too. So sweet. And i love all the purple materials used in making the album. =) goes well with my newly-painted purple room.
Sadly everything is not as rosy as I want it to be despite the festive season. Heard some lame sh*t last week too. Pissed me off. Such as the need for the injured to press and hold on to the person who's nursing your wound (yea who happened to be the opposite gender). The appropriateness to stayover a girl's room after sending her back just because one is too lazy to walk back to his own hall which happened to be nearby. CRAP. All the irritating inconsistencies. MAkes everything you say appear as lies. Dunno if ur memory just sucks to the core or I'm jus blessed with excellent memory. Ha. Like how u forgotten abt ur dream of the 'well brought-up,compassionate' gal. haiz. Period.
Lastly, to end in a happy note, I had plenty of well-deserved rest this weekend after one whole week of labbing. Yeah, got some data but the headache comes in during the analysis. No new year countdown this year but the new year spirits was there. Just felt very happy. So excited for this coming year. Looking forward to many things and one of which is my graduation trip!! Spain, Greece, Maldives..generally Europe here I come again! Maybe i should drop by States to visit Jess as well if budget allows. Hmm, but before I go for my grad trip, I'll be stranded at the crossroads. Should I further my studies or should I work? Ha,I dun mind havin a peek at God's master plan for me to help my decision-making. Tsk. Anyway, I believe that daddy God is going to bless me in 2007 and it will be a much better and prosperous year than last year. 'If God is for me, who can be against me?' =) With this, let me usher in 2007 with much anticipation!
P.S : This is a delayed post due to new year celebrations. lol. |
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